Letter 779: Difference between revisions

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{{right|''Monday, 18/6 March 1878''}}
{{right|''Monday, 18/6 March 1878''}}
The weather is terrible, walking is out of the question. The rain alternates with snow, making walking unappealing. I sat all morning over the [[violin concerto]], which I started yesterday and became carried away to such an extent that I've abandoned the [[Grand Sonata|sonata]] for the time being. I want to take advantage of [[Kotek]]'s presence here. This will be novel and difficult work for me, but also interesting. We're becoming more and more acquainted and friendlier with our ladies. [[Kotek]] has been in a mood all day: he's received an unpleasant letter from his father. [[Kotek]] often gives me pause for thought. I love him very much — but differently from before. which, deep down I'm not only angry with him, but I find it somehow unpleasant somehow that he's becoming accustomed to living on other people's money. I would never dare to say this to him, all the more so since there's really nothing else he can do apart from living in [[Berlin]]; at least he has the prospect of being tutored by Joachim as his ambition. On the other hand, I'm touched by his love for me, and I terribly appreciate his kind heart, his simplicity and naivety. In short, I have conflicting opinions regarding him, as a result of which, although I love him very much, it's not the same as ''before''. He's noticed this and mentioned it to me; this annoyed me, because I can't tell him the whole truth, and I don't want to upset him. In short, there are moments when I'm angry with him, and angry with myself, and the result of this is an ''awakening''. This makes me feel ashamed, and I become excessively affectionate. Anyway, don't attach any importance to this, and don't imagine that he's a burden for me. Firstly, I'm very pleased to play with him, secondly he is essential for my violin concerto, and thirdly, I love him very, very much.
The weather is terrible, walking is out of the question. The rain alternates with snow, making walking unappealing. I sat all morning over a [[Violin Concerto|violin concerto]], which I started yesterday and became carried away to such an extent that I've abandoned the [[Grand Sonata|sonata]] for the time being. I want to take advantage of [[Kotek]]'s presence here. This will be novel and difficult work for me, but also interesting. We're becoming more and more acquainted and friendlier with our ladies. [[Kotek]] has been in a mood all day: he's received an unpleasant letter from his father. [[Kotek]] often gives me pause for thought. I love him very much — but differently from before. which, deep down I'm not only angry with him, but I find it somehow unpleasant somehow that he's becoming accustomed to living on other people's money. I would never dare to say this to him, all the more so since there's really nothing else he can do apart from living in [[Berlin]]; at least he has the prospect of being tutored by Joachim as his ambition. On the other hand, I'm touched by his love for me, and I terribly appreciate his kind heart, his simplicity and naivety. In short, I have conflicting opinions regarding him, as a result of which, although I love him very much, it's not the same as ''before''. He's noticed this and mentioned it to me; this annoyed me, because I can't tell him the whole truth, and I don't want to upset him. In short, there are moments when I'm angry with him, and angry with myself, and the result of this is an ''awakening''. This makes me feel ashamed, and I become excessively affectionate. Anyway, don't attach any importance to this, and don't imagine that he's a burden for me. Firstly, I'm very pleased to play with him, secondly he is essential for my violin concerto, and thirdly, I love him very, very much.
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{{right|''Tuesday'', 19/7 March 1878}}
{{right|''Tuesday'', 19/7 March 1878}}

Latest revision as of 23:16, 25 December 2022

Date 5/17 March–8/20 March 1878
Addressed to Anatoly Tchaikovsky
Where written Clarens
Language Russian
Autograph Location Klin (Russia): Tchaikovsky State Memorial Musical Museum-Reserve (a3, No. 1159)
Publication П. И. Чайковский. Письма к родным (1940), p. 387–389
П. И. Чайковский. Письма к близким. Избранное (1955), p. 154–155
П. И. Чайковский. Полное собрание сочинений, том VII (1962), p. 157–158
Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Letters to his family. An autobiography (1981), p. 151–152 (English translation; abridged).

Text and Translation

Russian text
(original)
English translation
By Brett Langston
Воскресенье, 17/5 м[арта] 1878 г[ода]

Погода несколько лучше. Я ходил с Котеком в Sonzier, где мы с тобой столько раз были и пили вино. Ходили мы по Gorge du Chaudron. Его узнать нельзя; в некоторых местах опасно идти. Громадные скалы в течение зимы падали, ломали перила, даже железные, и заваливали тропинку. На возвратном пути сидели на нашем с тобой любимом месте. Вечером играли в 4 руки и со скрипкой.


Понедельник, 18/6 м[арта] 1878

Погода ужасная, гулять нет никакой возможности. Дождь и снег, чередуясь, делают прогулку мало желательной. Все утро сидел за скрипичным концертом, который начал вчера, и до такой степени увлёкся, что бросил покамест сонату. Хочу воспользоваться присутствием Котека здесь. Это будет для меня новая и трудная работа, но зато и интересная. Мы все больше и больше ознакомлявшемся и дружимся с нашими дамами. Котек целый день не в духе: — он получил неприятное письмо от отца. Котек часто заставляет меня при задумываться. Я его очень люблю, — но уже иначе прежде. Кроме того, в тайне души я не то что сержусь на него, но мне как-то неприятно, что он приучается жить на чужие деньги. Высказать этого ему я никогда не решусь, тем более, что ему и в самом деле нечего больше делать, как жить в Берлине; по крайней мере, перспектива ученья у Иоахима представляет цель для него. С другой стороны, я тронут его любовью ко мне, я ужасно ценю в нем доброе сердце, его простоту и наивность. Словом, во мне борются относительно его разные чувства, вследствие которых, хотя я и очень ласков, — но уже нет прежнего. Он это замечает и высказывает мне; меня это злит, потому что я не могу сказать ему всю правду, да и огорчать его не хочу. Словом, бывают минуты, когда я и на себя злюсь, и на него злюсь, и результатом этого будированье. Потом мне делается совестно, и я делаюсь преувеличенно нежен. Впрочем, не придавай этому значения и не думай, что я тягощусь им. Во-первых, мне очень приятно играть с ним, во-вторых, для моего скрипичного концерта он мне необходим, в-третьих, я его очень, очень люблю. Душа его самая добрая, нежная и характер в высшей степени удобный и симпатичный.


Вторник, 19/7 м[арта] 1878

Опять все утро усиленно работал над концертом. Пожалуйста, не говори никому о том, что и как я пишу. Терпеть не могу, когда от меня чего-нибудь ждут. Получил от Юргенсона разные ноты и в том числе «Франческу». Кстати: играли в Петербурге «Франческу» или нет? Неужели играли, и она прошла так же незаметно, как симфония моя в Москве. До сих пор ещё один из московских приятелей не прислал мне ни единого сочувственного слова по поводу этой симфонии. А я-то, дурак, ожидал, что всё будут тронуты, потрясены, восхищены! Получил сегодня от Н[адежды] Ф[иларетовны] книги. Я просил её приискать мне тексты для романсов, а она вместо того наслала мне сборников стихотворений да кстати «Русскую старину» за этот год. Целый день шёл снег, и было до того холодно, что я надевал шубу сидя дома. Вечером играли с Котиком «Франческу». И он и Модест самым трогательным образом выражали своё удовольствие. Беспокоюсь о тебе. Здоров ли ты? Как твои дела?


Среда, 20/8 м[арта] 1878 г[ода]

Опять занимался, и очень успешно. Концерт двигается, — не особенно быстро, — но двигается. После обеда совершили великолепною прогулку в место, где мы с тобой не были. Погода сегодня лучше, т. е. сыро и грязно, но теплее, так что я гулял в одном сюртуке. Тряхнул стариной и исполнил с Модестом большое pas-de-deux, за которое удостоился громкого одобренияот зрителей, т. е. Котека и Коли. Мои произведения музыкальные, конечно, принимаются не с таким энтузиазмом, как мои пируэты. Получили из Берлина массу нот в 4 руки и после прогулки играли очень много, в том числе опять «Франческу». В результате всех этих дней следующее: здоровье от лично, расположение духа превосходно. Одно только облачко: — это ты! Ты меня очень беспокоишь, особенно, когда долго писем нет. О будущем мало думаю. Каменка мне мало улыбается. Ох, как тяжело мне там будет, особенно, когда уедет Модест с Колей. Но делать нечего. Все-таки ехать туда нужно.

Нежно целую.

Твой П. Чайковский

Sunday, 17/5 March 1878

The weather is somewhat better. I walked with Kotek to Sonzier, where you and I've been and drunk wine so many times. Then we walked up to the Gorge du Chaudron. It's unrecognisable; some parts are too dangerous to go. Enormous boulders fell during the winter, breaking railings, even the iron ones, and engulfing the path. On the return journey we sat in your favourite place. In the evening we played 4 hands and with the violin. He has the kindliest and gentlest soul, and his character is accommodating and sympathetic to the utmost.


Monday, 18/6 March 1878

The weather is terrible, walking is out of the question. The rain alternates with snow, making walking unappealing. I sat all morning over a violin concerto, which I started yesterday and became carried away to such an extent that I've abandoned the sonata for the time being. I want to take advantage of Kotek's presence here. This will be novel and difficult work for me, but also interesting. We're becoming more and more acquainted and friendlier with our ladies. Kotek has been in a mood all day: he's received an unpleasant letter from his father. Kotek often gives me pause for thought. I love him very much — but differently from before. which, deep down I'm not only angry with him, but I find it somehow unpleasant somehow that he's becoming accustomed to living on other people's money. I would never dare to say this to him, all the more so since there's really nothing else he can do apart from living in Berlin; at least he has the prospect of being tutored by Joachim as his ambition. On the other hand, I'm touched by his love for me, and I terribly appreciate his kind heart, his simplicity and naivety. In short, I have conflicting opinions regarding him, as a result of which, although I love him very much, it's not the same as before. He's noticed this and mentioned it to me; this annoyed me, because I can't tell him the whole truth, and I don't want to upset him. In short, there are moments when I'm angry with him, and angry with myself, and the result of this is an awakening. This makes me feel ashamed, and I become excessively affectionate. Anyway, don't attach any importance to this, and don't imagine that he's a burden for me. Firstly, I'm very pleased to play with him, secondly he is essential for my violin concerto, and thirdly, I love him very, very much.


Tuesday, 19/7 March 1878

I worked hard on the concerto again all morning. Please, don't tell anyone about what and how I'm writing. I can't bear it when people are expecting something from me. I've received various scores from Jurgenson, including "Francesca". Speaking of which: have they played "Francesca" in Petersburg or not? Could it really have been played and passed as unnoticed as my symphony did in Moscow? So far not one of my Moscow friends has sent me a single sympathetic word about this symphony. And, fool that I am, I expected that everyone would be moved, astonished and enraptured! I received a book today from Nadezhda Filaretovna. I asked her to find me texts for romances, instead of which she sent me collections of poems, along with "Old Russia" for this year. It snowed all day, and it was so cold that I put on a fur coat while sitting at home. In the evening I played through "Francesca" with Kotek. Both he and Modest expressed their appreciation in the most touching manner. I'm worried about you. Are you well? How are things with you?


Wednesday, 20/8 March 1878

I've been busy again, and very successfully. The concerto is coming along — not especially quickly, but it's coming. After dinner we had a magnificent stroll to a place where you and I haven't been. The weather is better today, i.e. damp and foul, but warmer, so I walked around in just my frock coat. Shaking off old age, I performed a grand pas-de-deux with Modest, for which I received noisy approval from the audience, i.e. Kotek and Kolya. Of course, my musical works are not received with the same enthusiasm as my pirouettes. We received a pile of scores for 4 hands from Berlin, and after the walk we played a lot of them through, including Francesca again. The result of all these days is the following: a person in good health and excellent spirits. There's merely one cloud — that is you! You worry me a lot, especially when there are no letters for a while. I'm not thinking much about the future. Kamenka has little appeal for me. Oh how hard it will be for me there, especially when Modest and Kolya have gone. But there's nothing to be done. You need to go there all the same.

I kiss you gently.

Yours P. Tchaikovsky