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|Translated text={{right|''[[San Remo]]. Some café''<br/>2 January 1878/21 December 1877}}
|Translated text={{right|''[[San Remo]]. Some café''<br/>2 January 1878/21 December 1877}}
This morning, after rising, I went to the post office. They had many letters for me. One was from you in [[Moscow]], which touched me terribly. Besides this, there was an ''official letter'' from Butovsky. He writes that the Minister of Finance has appointed me as a delegate with a salary of 1000 francs a month! This struck me like thunder. I hadn't even given any thought to this delegation, and I was convinced that they wouldn't give me a salary. Then suddenly: as you please! I was preparing to set about the finale of the symphony today and wait for [[Modest]] here! And most importantly, I don't know where [[Modest]] is, or if he's left? In short, the situation is wholly unexpected and very awkward. I really don't know what to do. On the one hand, it's awkward and perhaps disadvantageous to refuse to go — but on the other, how objectionable it all is! And in my present condition, is it a good thing for me to go and enslave myself for the whole spring, for the whole summer? After calming down a little, I went to the telegraph office and sent you a dispatch with the question: where is [[Modest]]? Then I went into some café and sat down to drink beer. The garçon came up and asked something. I didn't understand and replied: "yes"! He fetched me paper, pen and ink. So now here I am writing to you. I categorically don't know what to do. Lord! When will I find peace?... I'll finish this letter in the evening. Perhaps then I'll have decided something.
This morning, after rising, I went to the post office. They had many letters for me. One was from you in [[Moscow]], which touched me terribly. Besides this, there was an ''official letter'' from Butovsky. He writes that the Minister of Finance has appointed me as a delegate with a salary of 1000 francs a month! This struck me like thunder. I hadn't even given any thought to this delegation, and I was convinced that they wouldn't give me a salary. Then suddenly: as you please! I was preparing to set about the finale of the symphony today and wait for [[Modest]] here! And most importantly, I don't know where [[Modest]] is, or if he's left? In short, the situation is wholly unexpected and very awkward. I really don't know what to do. On the one hand, it's awkward and perhaps disadvantageous to refuse to go — but on the other, how horrible it all is! And in my present condition, is it a good thing for me to go and enslave myself for the whole spring, for the whole summer? After calming down a little, I went to the telegraph office and sent you a dispatch with the question: where is [[Modest]]? Then I went into some café and sat down to drink beer. The garçon came up and asked something. I didn't understand and replied: "yes"! He fetched me paper, pen and ink. So now here I am writing to you. I categorically don't know what to do. Lord! When will I find peace?... I'll finish this letter in the evening. Perhaps then I'll have decided something.
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{{right|''Evening'', 8 o'clock}}
{{right|''Evening'', 8 o'clock}}

Latest revision as of 17:35, 24 January 2024

Date 21 December 1877/2 January 1878
Addressed to Anatoly Tchaikovsky
Where written San Remo
Language Russian
Autograph Location Klin (Russia): Tchaikovsky State Memorial Musical Museum-Reserve (a3, No. 1130)
Publication П. И. Чайковский. Письма к родным (1940), p. 338–339
П. И. Чайковский. Письма к близким. Избранное (1955), p. 135–136 (abridged)
П. И. Чайковский. Полное собрание сочинений, том VI (1961), p. 320–322 (abridged)
Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Letters to his family. An autobiography (1981), p. 132–133 (English translation; abridged)

Text and Translation

Russian text
(original)
English translation
By Brett Langston
San-Remo. Какой-то кафе
2 янв[аря] 1878/21 дек[абря] 1877

Сегодня утром, вставши, пошёл на почту. Мне дали множества писем. Одно от тебя из Москвы, ужасно меня тронувшее. Кроме того, письмо официальное от Бутовского. Он пишет, что министр финансов назначил меня делегатом с 1000 фр[анков] в месяц жалованья! Это меня поразило, как громом. Я отвык даже думать об этом делегатстве и вполне был уверен, что жалованья мне никакого не дадут. И вдруг: пожалуйте! Я было приготовился сегодня приступить к финалу симфонии и ждать здесь Модеста! И главное, я не знаю, где Модест, выехал ли он? Словом, положение совершенно неожиданное и очень неловкое. Я решительно не знаю, что делать. С одной стороны и неловко, и может быть невыгодно отказываться ехать, а с другой — как все это противно! И хорошо ли мне в моем теперешнем состоянии ехать и закабалять себя на всю весну, на все лето? Немножко успокоившись, я пошёл в телеграф и послал тебе депешу с вопросом: где Модест? Потом зашёл в какой-то кафе и сел пить пиво. Гарсон подошёл и спросил что-то. Я не понял и отвечал: да! Он притащил мне бумаги, перо и чернила. Вот я и стал тебе писать. Что делать, — решительно не знаю. Господи! Когда же будет покой?.. Вечером я докончу это письмо. Может быть, решусь на что-нибудь.


Вечером, 8 часов

Пришедши домой, я лёг на постель и валялся до самого обеда, соображая, думая, мечтая, тоскуя, мысленно покрывая тебя поцелуями (ах, как я тебя любою, Толя) жалуясь на судьбу, которая не даёт мне успокоиться, вспоминая, думая о России, о милой России, снежную пустыню которой я предпочитаю тысячу раз здешним пальмам и кипарисам. Потом позвали обедать. Я ничего не ел. Потом мы пошли гулять, а я зашёл в кафе, выпил коньяку, ещё погулял и возвратился домой с решимостью не быть бабой и во что бы то ни стало добраться к 10-му числу до Парижа (я забыл сказать, что Бутовский пишет, что от 10 до 18 числа будут заседания комитета, на которых мне необходимо быть). С Модестам я ещё не знаю, как устроюсь. Если из твоей телеграммы я узнаю, что он остановится в Париже, то буду телеграфировать в Hôtel de Hollande. Моя роль в Париже будет очень трудная. Бутовский пишет, что правительство не может делать новых ассигнований, а судя по программе вопросов. которые будут обсуждаться от 10-18, — нужно будет отвечать, будет ли русский оркестр давать русские концерты, нельзя ли выписать хор национальных певчих на счёт комитета выставки и т. д. и т. д. Сейчас я напишу Талю, председателю русского отдела, что приеду к 10. Я решаюсь на это в особенности потому, что я знаю, что ты и всё друзья мне посоветовали бы это. Насчёт 2000 Ант[оннне] Ив[ановне] потрудись ей написать, чтоб она была покойна, — я их уплачу вовремя. Ты совершенно прав — это необходимо. Получил сегодня письмо от Лели с чудным стихотворение, заставившим меня пролить много слез. Целую тебя несчётное число раз.

Твой, П. Чайковский

San Remo. Some café
2 January 1878/21 December 1877

This morning, after rising, I went to the post office. They had many letters for me. One was from you in Moscow, which touched me terribly. Besides this, there was an official letter from Butovsky. He writes that the Minister of Finance has appointed me as a delegate with a salary of 1000 francs a month! This struck me like thunder. I hadn't even given any thought to this delegation, and I was convinced that they wouldn't give me a salary. Then suddenly: as you please! I was preparing to set about the finale of the symphony today and wait for Modest here! And most importantly, I don't know where Modest is, or if he's left? In short, the situation is wholly unexpected and very awkward. I really don't know what to do. On the one hand, it's awkward and perhaps disadvantageous to refuse to go — but on the other, how horrible it all is! And in my present condition, is it a good thing for me to go and enslave myself for the whole spring, for the whole summer? After calming down a little, I went to the telegraph office and sent you a dispatch with the question: where is Modest? Then I went into some café and sat down to drink beer. The garçon came up and asked something. I didn't understand and replied: "yes"! He fetched me paper, pen and ink. So now here I am writing to you. I categorically don't know what to do. Lord! When will I find peace?... I'll finish this letter in the evening. Perhaps then I'll have decided something.


Evening, 8 o'clock

Arriving home, I lay down on the bed and lolled around until dinner, thinking, pondering, dreaming, yearning, covering you with imaginary kisses (oh, how I love you, Tolya), and bemoaning fate, which allows me no respite, reminiscing, thinking about Russia — oh dear Russia, whose snowy wilderness I prefer a thousand times over to the palm trees and cypresses here. Then they called me in for dinner. I ate nothing. Then we went for a walk, and I called in at a café, drank cognac, walked some more, and returned home with the determination not to be a milksop, and to reach Paris by the 10th at all costs (I forgot to say that Butovsky writes that there will be committee meetings from the 10th to the 18th, at which I'm needed). I don't know yet how to arrange things with Modest. If I learn from your telegram that he'll be staying in Paris, then I'll telegraph the Hôtel de Hollande. My role in Paris will be very difficult. Butovsky writes that the government cannot make new appropriations, but judging from the agenda of matters to be discussed from the 10th to the 18th, it will be necessary to determine whether a Russian orchestra will be giving the Russian concerts, whether it's possible to subscribe the choir of national singers to the account of the exhibition committee, etc., etc. I'm now writing to Thal, the chairman of the Russian section, that I'm coming for the 10th. I've settled on this particular course because I know that you and all my friends would have advised it. Regarding Antonina Ivanovna's 2000, kindly write to her to set her mind at rest — I will pay them on time. You are absolutely right — this is necessary. I received a letter today from Lyolya with a wonderful poem that caused me to shed many tears. I kiss you countless times.

Yours, P. Tchaikovsky