Letter 669 - Revision history

Brett: Text replacement - "Leva" to "Lyova"

2024-06-25T09:09:38Z

Text replacement - "Leva" to "Lyova"

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:09, 25 June 2024
Line 26:		Line 26:

	\|Translated text={{right\|''[[Venice]]''<br/>2/14 December 1877}}		\|Translated text={{right\|''[[Venice]]''<br/>2/14 December 1877}}
	[[Tolya]]! How awful it is to think that you won't receive this letter for at least a week! I wish you could answer me right now, this very minute: my whole being is with you. You cannot imagine how much I miss you, and how [[Venice]], the Hôtel Beau-Rivage, everything, is all loathsome to me because all this reminds me of you so vividly, and you are somewhere far away. Telegraph? That is in fact what I did today, straight after arriving here, but will my telegram reach you while you're in [[Kamenka]]? I see from [[~~Leva~~]]'s letter I received today that the first telegram took four days, and it was the same again for the response. I knew and expected everything that's happening to me now, but the the reality has turned out a hundred times worse than I anticipated. Oh, how wretched, sad and terrible I feel! And infinitely how I love you! Only now, when you aren't here, do I realise the full strength of my love for you and I'm tormented by the thought that I was unable to convey this to you while you were with me. This is always the way with me!		[[Tolya]]! How awful it is to think that you won't receive this letter for at least a week! I wish you could answer me right now, this very minute: my whole being is with you. You cannot imagine how much I miss you, and how [[Venice]], the Hôtel Beau-Rivage, everything, is all loathsome to me because all this reminds me of you so vividly, and you are somewhere far away. Telegraph? That is in fact what I did today, straight after arriving here, but will my telegram reach you while you're in [[Kamenka]]? I see from [[Lyova]]'s letter I received today that the first telegram took four days, and it was the same again for the response. I knew and expected everything that's happening to me now, but the the reality has turned out a hundred times worse than I anticipated. Oh, how wretched, sad and terrible I feel! And infinitely how I love you! Only now, when you aren't here, do I realise the full strength of my love for you and I'm tormented by the thought that I was unable to convey this to you while you were with me. This is always the way with me!

	The journey here from [[Vienna]] was awful for me. At times I would forget myself, and it seemed to me that you were beside me. When I absentmindedly started nibbling on a piece of paper, I would instinctively turn round in ''your'' direction, expecting to be scolded, but then I was horrified to see you weren't there! Finally, in the evening I fell into such despair that, not knowing what else to do, I drank two bottles of cognac down in one go. This helped a great deal. I became very drunk, lost my senses and then fell sound asleep. In the morning, while we were on the train, I felt tolerably well, but then came the stench of [[Venice]], I climbed up to my little room and, once again, the overpowering realisation that I had lost you was beyond my strength. I went downstairs and drank to excess again. Then they brought me letters: amongst them were letters from [[~~Leva~~]] and [[Sasha]], very lovely and kind, but upsetting to me because, according to them, my last letter to [[Antonina Ivanovna]] provided her with a vague notion that some sort of reconciliation may be possible. Whereupon, not having received anything from [[Nadezhda von Meck\|Madame Meck]], I sent for the post to see whether there might not be a letter. Some sort of chit was brought to me. Convinced that this was for ''une lettre chargée'', I set off for the post office, and instead of a letter I received a telegram from [[Vladimir Shilovsky\|Shilovsky]], in which he asked for an address to send ''money''. I will answer him by letter.		The journey here from [[Vienna]] was awful for me. At times I would forget myself, and it seemed to me that you were beside me. When I absentmindedly started nibbling on a piece of paper, I would instinctively turn round in ''your'' direction, expecting to be scolded, but then I was horrified to see you weren't there! Finally, in the evening I fell into such despair that, not knowing what else to do, I drank two bottles of cognac down in one go. This helped a great deal. I became very drunk, lost my senses and then fell sound asleep. In the morning, while we were on the train, I felt tolerably well, but then came the stench of [[Venice]], I climbed up to my little room and, once again, the overpowering realisation that I had lost you was beyond my strength. I went downstairs and drank to excess again. Then they brought me letters: amongst them were letters from [[Lyova]] and [[Sasha]], very lovely and kind, but upsetting to me because, according to them, my last letter to [[Antonina Ivanovna]] provided her with a vague notion that some sort of reconciliation may be possible. Whereupon, not having received anything from [[Nadezhda von Meck\|Madame Meck]], I sent for the post to see whether there might not be a letter. Some sort of chit was brought to me. Convinced that this was for ''une lettre chargée'', I set off for the post office, and instead of a letter I received a telegram from [[Vladimir Shilovsky\|Shilovsky]], in which he asked for an address to send ''money''. I will answer him by letter.

	As for my financial circumstances, I have to tell you that I borrowed 100 francs from [[Kotek]], which proved to be a prudent course of action, as otherwise I should have been obliged to travel 3rd class. I came here today with only 30 of the 60 lire that I once had. Everything has been spent on the hotel and travelling. I travelled in the very same car and the same compartment in which you and I had travelled. This only doubled my torments. In my imagination I followed you step by step, and when I wept it seemed to me that at that moment you were also weeping for me, and this made matters worse. Perhaps you were right when you said I'm now devising moral torments for myself: perhaps my feelings of missing you are exaggerated, perhaps I should use my reason and pull myself together. But I cannot. The memories continually seep into my head. What good times we had in [[Berlin]], in [[Clarens]], even in [[Vienna]], despite the imminence of your departure. It's so desolate here, so sad. The hotel seems to have been abandoned by everyone! Of course, you ask, what about [[Alyosha]]? [[Alyosha]] is very sweet, affectionate and obliging; I should certainly be a hundred times worse off without him — but he is no substitute for you, because no matter how much I love him, it is still not quite the same; at any rate, in my present circumstances he is not enough. Oh, I feel so unhappy.		As for my financial circumstances, I have to tell you that I borrowed 100 francs from [[Kotek]], which proved to be a prudent course of action, as otherwise I should have been obliged to travel 3rd class. I came here today with only 30 of the 60 lire that I once had. Everything has been spent on the hotel and travelling. I travelled in the very same car and the same compartment in which you and I had travelled. This only doubled my torments. In my imagination I followed you step by step, and when I wept it seemed to me that at that moment you were also weeping for me, and this made matters worse. Perhaps you were right when you said I'm now devising moral torments for myself: perhaps my feelings of missing you are exaggerated, perhaps I should use my reason and pull myself together. But I cannot. The memories continually seep into my head. What good times we had in [[Berlin]], in [[Clarens]], even in [[Vienna]], despite the imminence of your departure. It's so desolate here, so sad. The hotel seems to have been abandoned by everyone! Of course, you ask, what about [[Alyosha]]? [[Alyosha]] is very sweet, affectionate and obliging; I should certainly be a hundred times worse off without him — but he is no substitute for you, because no matter how much I love him, it is still not quite the same; at any rate, in my present circumstances he is not enough. Oh, I feel so unhappy.
Line 34:		Line 34:
	I consider it very foolish and pointless to torment you with these outpourings, but on the other hand, 1) it eases me, and 2) by the time you read them I will undoubtedly be in a more subdued state.		I consider it very foolish and pointless to torment you with these outpourings, but on the other hand, 1) it eases me, and 2) by the time you read them I will undoubtedly be in a more subdued state.

	For now I have one great consolation. I will open [[~~Leva~~]] and [[Sasha]]'s letters to me again, if not now then in the not too distant future.		For now I have one great consolation. I will open [[Lyova]] and [[Sasha]]'s letters to me again, if not now then in the not too distant future.

	Farewell, my sweet darling. I kiss you a million times. What would I not give to kiss you in reality!		Farewell, my sweet darling. I kiss you a million times. What would I not give to kiss you in reality!

Brett: Text replacement - "Lev" to "Leva"

2024-05-11T17:26:53Z

Text replacement - "Lev" to "Leva"

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:26, 11 May 2024
Line 26:		Line 26:

	\|Translated text={{right\|''[[Venice]]''<br/>2/14 December 1877}}		\|Translated text={{right\|''[[Venice]]''<br/>2/14 December 1877}}
	[[Tolya]]! How awful it is to think that you won't receive this letter for at least a week! I wish you could answer me right now, this very minute: my whole being is with you. You cannot imagine how much I miss you, and how [[Venice]], the Hôtel Beau-Rivage, everything, is all loathsome to me because all this reminds me of you so vividly, and you are somewhere far away. Telegraph? That is in fact what I did today, straight after arriving here, but will my telegram reach you while you're in [[Kamenka]]? I see from [[~~Lev~~]]'s letter I received today that the first telegram took four days, and it was the same again for the response. I knew and expected everything that's happening to me now, but the the reality has turned out a hundred times worse than I anticipated. Oh, how wretched, sad and terrible I feel! And infinitely how I love you! Only now, when you aren't here, do I realise the full strength of my love for you and I'm tormented by the thought that I was unable to convey this to you while you were with me. This is always the way with me!		[[Tolya]]! How awful it is to think that you won't receive this letter for at least a week! I wish you could answer me right now, this very minute: my whole being is with you. You cannot imagine how much I miss you, and how [[Venice]], the Hôtel Beau-Rivage, everything, is all loathsome to me because all this reminds me of you so vividly, and you are somewhere far away. Telegraph? That is in fact what I did today, straight after arriving here, but will my telegram reach you while you're in [[Kamenka]]? I see from [[Leva]]'s letter I received today that the first telegram took four days, and it was the same again for the response. I knew and expected everything that's happening to me now, but the the reality has turned out a hundred times worse than I anticipated. Oh, how wretched, sad and terrible I feel! And infinitely how I love you! Only now, when you aren't here, do I realise the full strength of my love for you and I'm tormented by the thought that I was unable to convey this to you while you were with me. This is always the way with me!

	The journey here from [[Vienna]] was awful for me. At times I would forget myself, and it seemed to me that you were beside me. When I absentmindedly started nibbling on a piece of paper, I would instinctively turn round in ''your'' direction, expecting to be scolded, but then I was horrified to see you weren't there! Finally, in the evening I fell into such despair that, not knowing what else to do, I drank two bottles of cognac down in one go. This helped a great deal. I became very drunk, lost my senses and then fell sound asleep. In the morning, while we were on the train, I felt tolerably well, but then came the stench of [[Venice]], I climbed up to my little room and, once again, the overpowering realisation that I had lost you was beyond my strength. I went downstairs and drank to excess again. Then they brought me letters: amongst them were letters from [[~~Lev~~]] and [[Sasha]], very lovely and kind, but upsetting to me because, according to them, my last letter to [[Antonina Ivanovna]] provided her with a vague notion that some sort of reconciliation may be possible. Whereupon, not having received anything from [[Nadezhda von Meck\|Madame Meck]], I sent for the post to see whether there might not be a letter. Some sort of chit was brought to me. Convinced that this was for ''une lettre chargée'', I set off for the post office, and instead of a letter I received a telegram from [[Vladimir Shilovsky\|Shilovsky]], in which he asked for an address to send ''money''. I will answer him by letter.		The journey here from [[Vienna]] was awful for me. At times I would forget myself, and it seemed to me that you were beside me. When I absentmindedly started nibbling on a piece of paper, I would instinctively turn round in ''your'' direction, expecting to be scolded, but then I was horrified to see you weren't there! Finally, in the evening I fell into such despair that, not knowing what else to do, I drank two bottles of cognac down in one go. This helped a great deal. I became very drunk, lost my senses and then fell sound asleep. In the morning, while we were on the train, I felt tolerably well, but then came the stench of [[Venice]], I climbed up to my little room and, once again, the overpowering realisation that I had lost you was beyond my strength. I went downstairs and drank to excess again. Then they brought me letters: amongst them were letters from [[Leva]] and [[Sasha]], very lovely and kind, but upsetting to me because, according to them, my last letter to [[Antonina Ivanovna]] provided her with a vague notion that some sort of reconciliation may be possible. Whereupon, not having received anything from [[Nadezhda von Meck\|Madame Meck]], I sent for the post to see whether there might not be a letter. Some sort of chit was brought to me. Convinced that this was for ''une lettre chargée'', I set off for the post office, and instead of a letter I received a telegram from [[Vladimir Shilovsky\|Shilovsky]], in which he asked for an address to send ''money''. I will answer him by letter.

	As for my financial circumstances, I have to tell you that I borrowed 100 francs from [[Kotek]], which proved to be a prudent course of action, as otherwise I should have been obliged to travel 3rd class. I came here today with only 30 of the 60 lire that I once had. Everything has been spent on the hotel and travelling. I travelled in the very same car and the same compartment in which you and I had travelled. This only doubled my torments. In my imagination I followed you step by step, and when I wept it seemed to me that at that moment you were also weeping for me, and this made matters worse. Perhaps you were right when you said I'm now devising moral torments for myself: perhaps my feelings of missing you are exaggerated, perhaps I should use my reason and pull myself together. But I cannot. The memories continually seep into my head. What good times we had in [[Berlin]], in [[Clarens]], even in [[Vienna]], despite the imminence of your departure. It's so desolate here, so sad. The hotel seems to have been abandoned by everyone! Of course, you ask, what about [[Alyosha]]? [[Alyosha]] is very sweet, affectionate and obliging; I should certainly be a hundred times worse off without him — but he is no substitute for you, because no matter how much I love him, it is still not quite the same; at any rate, in my present circumstances he is not enough. Oh, I feel so unhappy.		As for my financial circumstances, I have to tell you that I borrowed 100 francs from [[Kotek]], which proved to be a prudent course of action, as otherwise I should have been obliged to travel 3rd class. I came here today with only 30 of the 60 lire that I once had. Everything has been spent on the hotel and travelling. I travelled in the very same car and the same compartment in which you and I had travelled. This only doubled my torments. In my imagination I followed you step by step, and when I wept it seemed to me that at that moment you were also weeping for me, and this made matters worse. Perhaps you were right when you said I'm now devising moral torments for myself: perhaps my feelings of missing you are exaggerated, perhaps I should use my reason and pull myself together. But I cannot. The memories continually seep into my head. What good times we had in [[Berlin]], in [[Clarens]], even in [[Vienna]], despite the imminence of your departure. It's so desolate here, so sad. The hotel seems to have been abandoned by everyone! Of course, you ask, what about [[Alyosha]]? [[Alyosha]] is very sweet, affectionate and obliging; I should certainly be a hundred times worse off without him — but he is no substitute for you, because no matter how much I love him, it is still not quite the same; at any rate, in my present circumstances he is not enough. Oh, I feel so unhappy.
Line 34:		Line 34:
	I consider it very foolish and pointless to torment you with these outpourings, but on the other hand, 1) it eases me, and 2) by the time you read them I will undoubtedly be in a more subdued state.		I consider it very foolish and pointless to torment you with these outpourings, but on the other hand, 1) it eases me, and 2) by the time you read them I will undoubtedly be in a more subdued state.

	For now I have one great consolation. I will open [[~~Lev~~]] and [[Sasha]]'s letters to me again, if not now then in the not too distant future.		For now I have one great consolation. I will open [[Leva]] and [[Sasha]]'s letters to me again, if not now then in the not too distant future.

	Farewell, my sweet darling. I kiss you a million times. What would I not give to kiss you in reality!		Farewell, my sweet darling. I kiss you a million times. What would I not give to kiss you in reality!

Tony: Inserted "how" for accuracy of meaning

2024-04-23T12:15:40Z

Inserted "how" for accuracy of meaning

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:15, 23 April 2024
Line 26:		Line 26:

	\|Translated text={{right\|''[[Venice]]''<br/>2/14 December 1877}}		\|Translated text={{right\|''[[Venice]]''<br/>2/14 December 1877}}
	[[Tolya]]! How awful it is to think that you won't receive this letter for at least a week! I wish you could answer me right now, this very minute: my whole being is with you. You cannot imagine much I miss you, and how [[Venice]], the Hôtel Beau-Rivage, everything, is all loathsome to me because all this reminds me of you so vividly, and you are somewhere far away. Telegraph? That is in fact what I did today, straight after arriving here, but will my telegram reach you while you're in [[Kamenka]]? I see from [[Lev]]'s letter I received today that the first telegram took four days, and it was the same again for the response. I knew and expected everything that's happening to me now, but the the reality has turned out a hundred times worse than I anticipated. Oh, how wretched, sad, and terrible I feel! And infinitely how I love you! Only now, when you aren't here, do I realise the full strength of my love for you and I'm tormented by the thought that I was unable to convey this to you while you were with me. This is always the way with me!		[[Tolya]]! How awful it is to think that you won't receive this letter for at least a week! I wish you could answer me right now, this very minute: my whole being is with you. You cannot imagine how much I miss you, and how [[Venice]], the Hôtel Beau-Rivage, everything, is all loathsome to me because all this reminds me of you so vividly, and you are somewhere far away. Telegraph? That is in fact what I did today, straight after arriving here, but will my telegram reach you while you're in [[Kamenka]]? I see from [[Lev]]'s letter I received today that the first telegram took four days, and it was the same again for the response. I knew and expected everything that's happening to me now, but the the reality has turned out a hundred times worse than I anticipated. Oh, how wretched, sad and terrible I feel! And infinitely how I love you! Only now, when you aren't here, do I realise the full strength of my love for you and I'm tormented by the thought that I was unable to convey this to you while you were with me. This is always the way with me!

	The journey here from [[Vienna]] was awful for me. At times I would forget myself, and it seemed to me that you were beside me. When I absentmindedly started nibbling on a piece of paper, I would instinctively turn round in ''your'' direction, expecting to be scolded, but then I was horrified to see you weren't there! Finally, in the evening I fell into such despair that, not knowing what else to do, I drank two bottles of cognac down in one go. This helped a great deal. I became very drunk, lost my senses and then fell sound asleep. In the morning, while we were on the train, I felt tolerably well, but then came the stench of [[Venice]], I climbed up to my little room and, once again, the overpowering realisation that I had lost you was beyond my strength. I went downstairs and drank to excess again. Then they brought me letters: amongst them were letters from [[Lev]] and [[Sasha]], very lovely and kind, but upsetting to me because, according to them, my last letter to [[Antonina Ivanovna]] provided her with a vague notion that some sort of reconciliation may be possible. Whereupon, not having received anything from [[Nadezhda von Meck\|Madame Meck]], I sent for the post to see whether there might not be a letter. Some sort of chit was brought to me. Convinced that this was for ''une lettre chargée'', I set off for the post office, and instead of a letter I received a telegram from [[Vladimir Shilovsky\|Shilovsky]], in which he asked for an address to send ''money''. I will answer him by letter.		The journey here from [[Vienna]] was awful for me. At times I would forget myself, and it seemed to me that you were beside me. When I absentmindedly started nibbling on a piece of paper, I would instinctively turn round in ''your'' direction, expecting to be scolded, but then I was horrified to see you weren't there! Finally, in the evening I fell into such despair that, not knowing what else to do, I drank two bottles of cognac down in one go. This helped a great deal. I became very drunk, lost my senses and then fell sound asleep. In the morning, while we were on the train, I felt tolerably well, but then came the stench of [[Venice]], I climbed up to my little room and, once again, the overpowering realisation that I had lost you was beyond my strength. I went downstairs and drank to excess again. Then they brought me letters: amongst them were letters from [[Lev]] and [[Sasha]], very lovely and kind, but upsetting to me because, according to them, my last letter to [[Antonina Ivanovna]] provided her with a vague notion that some sort of reconciliation may be possible. Whereupon, not having received anything from [[Nadezhda von Meck\|Madame Meck]], I sent for the post to see whether there might not be a letter. Some sort of chit was brought to me. Convinced that this was for ''une lettre chargée'', I set off for the post office, and instead of a letter I received a telegram from [[Vladimir Shilovsky\|Shilovsky]], in which he asked for an address to send ''money''. I will answer him by letter.

Brett: 1 revision imported

2022-07-12T12:28:30Z

1 revision imported

← Older revision	Revision as of 13:28, 12 July 2022
(No difference)

Brett at 17:53, 30 March 2020

2020-03-30T17:53:46Z

New page

{{letterhead
|Date=2/14 December 1877
|To=[[Anatoly Tchaikovsky]]
|Place=[[Venice]]
|Language=Russian
|Autograph=[[Klin]] (Russia): {{RUS-KLč}} (a{{sup|3}}, No. 1117)
|Publication={{bib|1940/210|П. И. Чайковский. Письма к родным ; том 1}} (1940), p. 318–320 <br/>{{bib|1961/38|П. И. Чайковский. Полное собрание сочинений ; том VI}} (1961), p. 272–273 (abridged)
}}
==Text and Translation==
{{Lettertext
|Language=Russian
|Translator=Alexander Poznansky and Brett Langston
|Original text={{right|''Венеция''<br/>2/14 дек[абря] 1877}}
Толя! Как ужасно думать, что ты получишь это письмо ещё не ранее, как через неделю! Мне бы хотелось, чтоб ты сейчас, в эту минуту отозвался мне: моя душа полна тобой. Ты и представить себе не можешь, до чего я тоскую об тебе, до чего Венеция, Hôtel Beau-Rivage, всё, всё мне отвратительно, потому что все это живо напоминает мне тебя, а ты где-то далеко. Телеграфировать? Я это и сделал сегодня, тотчас после приезда, но дойдёт ли телеграмма до тебя, пока ты в Каменке? Из полученного сегодня письма Левы я вижу, что первая телеграмма пришла на четвёртый день, и столько же времени шёл оттуда ответ. Я знал и ожидал всего того, что теперь со мной делается, но это ожидание оказалось во сто раз слабее ужасной действительности. Ах, как мне тяжело, грустно, страшно! И как я бесконечно люблю тебя! Только теперь, когда тебя нет, я сознаю всю моей любвие тебе и мучаюсь, что, пока ты был со мной, я не умел выражать тебе этой любви. И это всегда так со мной!

Дорога от Вены сюда была для меня ужасна. По временам я забывался, и мне казалось, что ты тут рядом. Когда я в рассеянности брал кусочки бумаги в рот, то инстинктивно оборачивался в ''твою'' сторону, ожидая выговора, и с ужасом видел, что тебя нет! Наконец, вечером я пришёл в такое отчаяние, что, не зная, что делать, выпил разом две бутылочки коньяку. Это мне очень помогло. Я сильно опьянел, забылся и потом крепко уснул. Утром, пока мы ехали, мне было довольно сносно, но зато приехать в вонючую Венецию, взобраться в мои комнатки и опять со всей силой сознать все, чего я лишился в тебе, это свыше моих сил. Я спустился вниз и опять выпил лишнего. Потом мне принесли письма; в числе их письма от Левы и Саши, очень милые и ласковые, но раздражавшие меня потому, что, как оказывается из них, я в последнем письме к Ант[онине] Ив[ановне] наглупил, подав ей смутную надежду, что когда-нибудь возможно сближение. Засим, не получивши письма от M[ada]me Мекк, я послал на почту узнать, не лежит ли там письмо. Мне принесли какую-то повестку. Убежденный, что это ''une lettre chargée'', я отправляюсь на почту и получаю вместо письма телеграмму от Шиловского, в которой он просит прислать адрес, чтоб выслать ''деньги''. Буду отвечать ему письмом.

По поводу денежных обстоятельств я должен сказать тебе, что я занял у Котика 100 фр[анков] и очень хорошо и предусмотрительно поступил, так как иначе пришлось бы ехать в 3-ем классе. Я приехал сюда сегодня, имея только 30 лир из тех 60, которые у меня были. Все гульдены и все, что было, ушло на отель и на дорогу. Я ехал в том самом вагоне и в том же купе, в котором мы с тобой ехали. Это только удваивало мои мученья. Шаг за шагом я мысленно следил за тобой, и когда я плакал, то мне казалось, что в эту минуту и ты плачешь обо мне, и от этого мне делалось хуже. Может быть, ты прав, сказав, что я теперь придумываю себе нравственные терзания; может быть, я преувеличенно скучаю без тебя, может быть следовало бы разумом сдержать себя. Но я не могу. Беспрестанно мне лезут в голову воспоминания. Как нам хорошо было в Берлине, в Кларане, в Вене даже, несмотря на близость твоего отъезда. Здесь так пустынно, так грустно. Отель такой покинутый как будто всеми! Конечно, ты спросишь, а что ж Алёша? Алёша очень мил, ласков, услужлив; конечно, мне было бы во сто раз хуже без него, — но он не может заменить мне тебя, ибо как я его ни люблю, а все же это не то; по крайней мере, в тех обстоятельствах, в которых я нахожусь, мне его мало. Ах, как мне грустно.

Я соображаю, что очень глупо бесполезно терзать тебя этими излияниями, но с другой стороны, во-1-х), они меня облегчают, во-2-х), когда ты их будешь читать, я, наверное, уже буду в более покойном состоянии.

Теперь у меня есть одно большое утешение. После писем Лeвы и Саши Каменка мне опять открыта, если не сейчас, то в не очень отдалённом будущем.

Прощай, мои милый, дорогой. Целую тебя миллионы раз. Что бы я дал, чтоб поцеловать тебя на самом деле.
{{right|П. Чайковский}}

|Translated text={{right|''[[Venice]]''<br/>2/14 December 1877}}
[[Tolya]]! How awful it is to think that you won't receive this letter for at least a week! I wish you could answer me right now, this very minute: my whole being is with you. You cannot imagine much I miss you, and how [[Venice]], the Hôtel Beau-Rivage, everything, is all loathsome to me because all this reminds me of you so vividly, and you are somewhere far away. Telegraph? That is in fact what I did today, straight after arriving here, but will my telegram reach you while you're in [[Kamenka]]? I see from [[Lev]]'s letter I received today that the first telegram took four days, and it was the same again for the response. I knew and expected everything that's happening to me now, but the the reality has turned out a hundred times worse than I anticipated. Oh, how wretched, sad, and terrible I feel! And infinitely how I love you! Only now, when you aren't here, do I realise the full strength of my love for you and I'm tormented by the thought that I was unable to convey this to you while you were with me. This is always the way with me!

The journey here from [[Vienna]] was awful for me. At times I would forget myself, and it seemed to me that you were beside me. When I absentmindedly started nibbling on a piece of paper, I would instinctively turn round in ''your'' direction, expecting to be scolded, but then I was horrified to see you weren't there! Finally, in the evening I fell into such despair that, not knowing what else to do, I drank two bottles of cognac down in one go. This helped a great deal. I became very drunk, lost my senses and then fell sound asleep. In the morning, while we were on the train, I felt tolerably well, but then came the stench of [[Venice]], I climbed up to my little room and, once again, the overpowering realisation that I had lost you was beyond my strength. I went downstairs and drank to excess again. Then they brought me letters: amongst them were letters from [[Lev]] and [[Sasha]], very lovely and kind, but upsetting to me because, according to them, my last letter to [[Antonina Ivanovna]] provided her with a vague notion that some sort of reconciliation may be possible. Whereupon, not having received anything from [[Nadezhda von Meck|Madame Meck]], I sent for the post to see whether there might not be a letter. Some sort of chit was brought to me. Convinced that this was for ''une lettre chargée'', I set off for the post office, and instead of a letter I received a telegram from [[Vladimir Shilovsky|Shilovsky]], in which he asked for an address to send ''money''. I will answer him by letter.

As for my financial circumstances, I have to tell you that I borrowed 100 francs from [[Kotek]], which proved to be a prudent course of action, as otherwise I should have been obliged to travel 3rd class. I came here today with only 30 of the 60 lire that I once had. Everything has been spent on the hotel and travelling. I travelled in the very same car and the same compartment in which you and I had travelled. This only doubled my torments. In my imagination I followed you step by step, and when I wept it seemed to me that at that moment you were also weeping for me, and this made matters worse. Perhaps you were right when you said I'm now devising moral torments for myself: perhaps my feelings of missing you are exaggerated, perhaps I should use my reason and pull myself together. But I cannot. The memories continually seep into my head. What good times we had in [[Berlin]], in [[Clarens]], even in [[Vienna]], despite the imminence of your departure. It's so desolate here, so sad. The hotel seems to have been abandoned by everyone! Of course, you ask, what about [[Alyosha]]? [[Alyosha]] is very sweet, affectionate and obliging; I should certainly be a hundred times worse off without him — but he is no substitute for you, because no matter how much I love him, it is still not quite the same; at any rate, in my present circumstances he is not enough. Oh, I feel so unhappy.

I consider it very foolish and pointless to torment you with these outpourings, but on the other hand, 1) it eases me, and 2) by the time you read them I will undoubtedly be in a more subdued state.

For now I have one great consolation. I will open [[Lev]] and [[Sasha]]'s letters to me again, if not now then in the not too distant future.

Farewell, my sweet darling. I kiss you a million times. What would I not give to kiss you in reality!
{{right|P. Tchaikovsky}}
}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Letter 0669}}