Letter 2153

Tchaikovsky Research
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Date 2/14 November 1882
Addressed to Anna Merkling
Where written Kamenka
Language Russian
Autograph Location unknown
Publication П. И. Чайковский. С. И. Танеев. Письма (1951), p. 214
П. И. Чайковский. Полное собрание сочинений, том XI (1966), p. 273–274
Notes Manuscript copy in Klin (Russia): Tchaikovsky State Memorial Musical Museum-Reserve (signature omitted)

Text and Translation

Based on a handwritten copy in the Tchaikovsky State Memorial Musical Museum-Reserve at Klin, which may contain differences in formatting and content from Tchaikovsky's original letter.

Russian text
(original)
English translation
By Luis Sundkvist
Каменка
2-го ноября 1880 г[ода]

Милая Аня! Я уже месяца два постоянно собирался тебе написать, и если этого не сделал, то только оттого, что всё это время мне приходилось страшно много работать, до того, что иногда я просто изнемогал от утомления и от этого страшно запустил всю свою корреспонденцию. Право, мне совестно, что [ты] такая милая и добрая и пишешь мне, тогда как я по целым месяцам молчу.

Обещать великолепную статуэтку, заставить тебя истратиться на support, — вот это Пётр Ильич отлично умеет. Но исполнить обещание и аккуратно писать, — этого не ждите от негодного шалопая, достойного быть побитым и исцарапанным знаменитыми пауками, которым и будет предоставлено право отмщения при свидании. На днях я выезжаю в Москву, Питер и за границу. Увижу тебя наверное, — но увы! Модест тебе сказал совершенную правду. Я-то тебя увижу, — но ты лишь мою пародию увидишь. В Петербурге, да и в Москве тоже, я чувствую себя до того несчастным и жалким, что не особенно и хлопочу о свидании с лицами, которых люблю, ибо знаю, что способен навести на них только уныние. Если б я мог провести несколько дней, так, чтобы никого не видеть, кроме Модеста, тебя, двух-трёх родственников и друзей, — то это было бы для меня величайшим удовольствием. Но, увы! как только приезжаю в столицу, — делаюсь рабом всевозможных обязательных отношений и, будучи нелюдимым и букой, невыразимо страдаю. Аня! Ты положительно ошибаешься насчёт Коли. Это человек не особенно чувствительный и нежный, — но правдивый и честный. Когда, увидевшись с ним в Каменке, я упрекнул его в странном поступке относительно тебя, — он очень изумился и дал мне честное слово, что никогда этого не было и что он действительно тебя почему-то не узнал. Я не могу не верить ему и прихожу к заключению, что у тебя, как у очень нервного человека, развилась после всех вынесенных тобою клевет и несправедливостей болезненная подозрительность и недоверчивость, заставляющая тебя видеть злобу и намерение обидеть даже там, где этого вовсе нет. Я бы очень советовал тебе сблизиться с Колей и его женой. Эта последняя очень хороший маленький человечек, и ты согласишься с этим, когда узнаешь её. Твоё описание визитов генеральши Карцовой — превосходно. Оно так живо, что я как будто присутствовал при этом. Милая Аня! Я написал несколько фортепианных пьес, из числа коих одну посвятил тебе. Как пишется фамилия Mercling или Merkling? Я написал c. Недели через 2 — 3 пьесы выйдут из печати.

Целую крепко милейшие пауки. До скорого свидания.

Твой,

Kamenka
2nd November 1880

Dear Anya! For some two months I had been constantly intending to write to you, and if I have not done so until now, it is merely because all this time I have had to do an awfully great deal of work — indeed, so much that sometimes I was close to breaking down from exhaustion, and this meant that I very much had to neglect my correspondence [1]. Truly, I am ashamed to see how sweet and kind you are, and how you always write to me, whereas I am silent for months on end.

Making promises about a magnificent statuette, causing you to spend all your money on a stand for it — those are things which Pyotr Ilyich is very good at [2]. But as for keeping a promise and writing regularly, don't expect that from this useless good-for-nothing, who deserves to be beaten and scratched by the celebrated spiders — they shall have the right of revenge when we meet [3]. In a few days' time I shall leave for Moscow, then Piter, and then go abroad. I will probably see you, but alas! what Modest said to you is quite true. I shall get to see you, whereas you will just see a parody of me. In Petersburg, and even in Moscow, too, I feel so unhappy and wretched that I don't particularly bother about going to see people whom I love, because I know that I will just depress them. If I could spend a few days without having to see anyone apart from Modest, you, and two or three relatives and friends, then that would give me the greatest pleasure. But alas! as soon as I arrive in the capital, I become a slave of all kinds of obligatory social relations, and, unsociable and surly as I am, this makes me suffer inexpressibly. Anya! You are absolutely wrong about Kolya. He is not a particularly effusive and affectionate person, but he is upright and honest. When I saw him in Kamenka and reproached him for his strange conduct towards you [4], he was very surprised and gave me his word of honour that nothing of the sort had ever happened, and that for some reason he really didn't recognize you. It is impossible for me not to believe him, and the conclusion I have reached is that after all the slandering and injustices you have had to endure you, as a highly nervous person, have developed a morbid suspiciousness and distrustfulness, which cause you to see spitefulness and the intention of offending you even in those situations where there is nothing of the sort. I strongly urge you to become good friends with Kolya and his wife. The latter is a very fine little person, as I am sure you will agree when you get to know her. Your description of the visits by Mrs General Kartsov is magnificent. It is so lively that I feel as if I myself had been present. Dear Anya! I have written a number of piano pieces, one of which I have dedicated to you [5]. How is your surname written: Mercling or Merkling? I wrote it with a c. These pieces are to be published in 2 to 3 weeks' time.

I kiss the ever so sweet spiders warmly. See you soon.

Yours,

Notes and References

  1. In September and October Tchaikovsky had been working intensively on his new opera Mazepa, which cost him a great deal of effort, as well as revising The Maid of Orleans at the request of the Imperial Theatre's directorate (who had asked for Joan's part to be transposed for mezzo-soprano). This was also an arduous task.
  2. See Letter 1935 to Anna Merkling from Rome on 15/27 January 1882, in which Tchaikovsky had promised to bring or send her a replica of some classical statue. See also Letter 2046 to her on 18/30 June 1882.
  3. "Spiders" here are "hands". This association evidently goes back to some childhood memory of the composer's. Anna Merkling had very beautiful hands, and this was something that Tchaikovsky always paid particular attention to — note by Vladimir Zhdanov in П. И. Чайковский. С. И. Танеев. Письма (1951), p. 207. See also Tchaikovsky. The quest for the inner man (1993), p. 310, for the composer's obsession with hands.
  4. See note 2 in Letter 2046 to Anna Merkling, 18/30 June 1882. Anna had complained that Tchaikovsky's elder brother Nikolay had deliberately pretended not to notice her at a concert in Saint Petersburg, which had upset her greatly.
  5. In August and September 1882 Tchaikovsky wrote the Six Pieces, Op. 51, for piano solo. These pieces were all dedicated to close friends and relatives. No. 3, the Menuetto scherzoso, was dedicated to Anna Merkling. This is the only composition that he dedicated to her.